Two profiles illustrating different patterns of thought

Family life tools

The 7 Pillars of Family Life

Survey and worksheets for the seven family-life areas where couples and families most often need shared rules and expectations.

While not to depreciate the importance and value of marriage and family, if we look at family life like a game, then everyone needs to play by the same rules. If everyone comes to marriage and family with a different set of rules, then all we will do is argue and fight.

The following seven aspects of family life need a common understanding about how you will handle them. A great deal of marital and family discord falls into these seven elements: time, space and stuff, money, parenting, relationships, chores, and sex.

Dr. Peter Robbins provides tools to help families make the game fair and enjoyable.

The seven areas

These are the areas where families most often need shared expectations and a clear way to talk.

Time

How are we spending our time together as a couple, family, and individually? Is it fair and reasonable, and does it build our marriage? A shared family calendar can help.

Space and stuff

How do we share the space and stuff of our home? Is it fair, reasonable, and clear? Families need a policy for sharing private and public space and belongings.

Money

Who controls the money? Do we have a comprehensive cash management plan? This is the family's financial gas gauge.

Parenting

How do we care for and disciple our children? What are the roles of father and mother? Who else do we allow to care for and disciple our children?

Relationships

How do we relate to God, each other, our children, extended family, friends, and church? Families need shared expectations for relationship boundaries.

Chores

Things need to happen at home to keep the home running smoothly and fairly. Who does what, when, and how often?

Sex

Frequency, what, and how can be uncomfortable areas of discussion. Couples often avoid the talk and hurt feelings and frustration result.

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